One Day I'll Fly Far Away From Here. . .

Again

Wed, 07 Feb 2007 19:24:45 +0100

Ok. . . .This is so hard.

Maybe he does like me. Or not. See, I don't know - now he's sending mixed signals! He sees me but acts like he's too cool for me. I really like him. I leave earlier this year seeing as it;s my final so I won't have as much time to get to know him via the school way.

Grrrrr.

My head is so screwed up!

Can't stop thinking about him. I don't know why. There are plenty of boys I know who I COULD like. But i don't want them. Any of them, they just aren't as good.

Him. He's the one I want. But if I get to know him I know I'll screw it up.

I haven't the guts. maybe it's safer to go with someone I know better. A friend.

Oh, but it's just not what I want!

He probably has a girlfriend, I have seen with lots of girls. They're all over him.

And I saw him getting cosy with someone on bonfire night last year. This is all so complicated - I hate it.

I just feel like screaming!!

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He'll never know who I am

Tue, 16 Jan 2007 22:00:08 +0100

Grrrr, sometimes I really hate myself.

Why won't he notice me?! I know I'm shy when it comes to guys.

Maybe he just doesn't like me.

Yep, that is definitely it.

But I still like him.

Even if he is younger - and has that awful hair cut (I liked it long!!!)

XX ELLY XX

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Blog 003. Ranting is my favourite hobby ;)

Mon, 08 Jan 2007 21:05:52 +0100

For some reason today has not been good. There are days when I feel so pissed off with my friend, Beth. Maybe it’s jealousy, or just frustration. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a lovely character but sometimes she’s stubborn and too naïve. It really frustrates. She hate going out of her comfort zone and acts like a spoiled princess sometimes – today was another time when it was shown. Me and Ben were sitting either side of her and listening to music, she was going on and ON about this Jamie Oliver podcast which is actually quite funny but it really isn’t as amazing as she reckons and me and Ben start discussing how Blur were one of those top bands that really sum up the nineties as a decade, Beth, however, not liking this topic of conversation as it involved the nineties and a band she is not particularly fond of, snatches Bens MP3 player and scrolls it down to The Who to demonstrate ‘the making of one of the most amazing bands in history, obviously not as good as the Beatles’. She starts headbanging to THE worst Who song ever, which was also a bit smoochy ballad. Ben goes along with her because he is obsessed with her. That’s another thing that frustrates me about her. She could probably have anyone she wanted, I’ve never thought of her as particularly stunning but I guess she is pretty. I know of four guys who fancy her (two of which I’m not a fan of, a bit weird, although Ben is growing on me) and Jake is one of them. I spent two weekends in very close contact with Jake on D of E last year and now officially hate his guts, and he hates me – the feeling’s mutual I guess. He doesn’t exactly treat her well and she thinks he’s weird but she still hugs and kisses him whenever he demands, the minute he turns his back she’s telling how weird she thinks he is. It’s like she takes advantage of them. I, on the other hand, have a serious emotional problem when it comes to boys. Whenever a guy is nice to me I never believe that it is true and just kinda laugh it off or be rude, I hate it and I really want to stop but it just isn’t working. Some would call it play “hard to get” but I call it annoying!! Anyway, back to the issue of BETH. Yeh so she’s got all these guys interested in her and I think she’s knows how to feel, she doesn’t really tell me if she likes them or not I sorta have to guess. Another thing is that she’s sooooooooooo stubborn!! She won’t listen to music outside of her comfort zone (basically, that is Coldplay or Elvis Presley), when I introduce her to music I love she says she won’t listen or she hates the first few beats of the first of their songs that she has listened to! Then, months later she’ll come up to me with the same CD and say, “WOW! Have you heard of this band?! They’re amazing!” I mean, I’m quite up to date with new music. . . I like listening to bands that no one has heard of and especially the ones that have that little sparkle in their songs and so I’m always buying CDs that are different and irregular to the status quo of the music store geeks. Beth hates weird new bands, she likes to go with the flow and thinks that what she likes everyone will like. Well, she’s wrong AND I KNOW SHE IS. It just frustrates me, ya know. I also hate the way that her family is so different to mine. They’re young and hip and modern (Her parents got married at the age of 19 and her mum was pregnant with her at 23). See, I always thought that was weird, why ruin your life by having kids at the age of 23? Her mum never went to university and I think she’s regretting it now. I mean, I’m sure Sally isn’t regretting having three children by the time she’s 30. It’s just that in my family fun comes first – in everything. My mum has always said that I should always try to do well in subjects I enjoy and then concentrate extra hard in the subjects which I find difficult. My whole family has always encouraged the ‘kids’ in my family to go to university and get a job that you enjoy. My cousin is doing just that, she is currently at Southampton uni and has a year and a half to go; she’s having the time of her life. She loves it so much and recommends it thoroughly. I don’t want to get married early in my life, I want to go to uni, travel the world and get a stable job before I even start to think about marriage and babies. My mum had me when she was 34, she married my dad when she was 32, and my dad was 29. They didn’t meet until they were at least mid-twenties. Whereas, Beth’s parents were first loves and found each other at the age of 15. I think that’s ridiculous, how can you find ‘the one’ when you’re 15? I just don’t get it. My mum had tons of boyfriends before she met my dad, my dad had a lot of girlfriends (I think it was the afro that did it!). But I guess Beth does benefit in some aspects from having young parents, they understand how to text and are fashionable-er than my parents (my mum still likes to wear trousers up around he chest!) but the wisdom and traditional ties are lost in her family. Because Beth’s mum had her at such an early age she has concentrated on bringing her up, as well as her two other brothers, and has lost that wisdom that she can pass onto her children. She is more like their best friend who is sometimes a bit controlling.

I’m sorry if I’ve offended anyone.

It’s just my rantings and ravings and jealousies of my friends.

Much love

XX ELLY XX

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This is hilarious.

Sun, 07 Jan 2007 18:10:23 +0100

Currently listening to Russell Brands podcast on iTunes. He's talking about new year, he's just great. He is actually my new favourite comedian. AND THE HAIR!! It's so soooooooo weird . . . Does anyone agree?

XX ELLY XX

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Blog 002.

Fri, 05 Jan 2007 17:09:32 +0100

So, it's raining.

Have recently walked home from school - in the rain. Although the rain wasn't heavy it was the sort that gets in your eyes and (sorry to be shallow here) ruins your eye make-up. Please, for the love of God, tell me why we had a three day week this week? I mean, it's pointless, why don't they just add a full week onto either the winter term or the spring term. Because breakin up on a Wednesday and returning on a Wednesday is slightly annoying (and way too sudden for my liking). Also, returning just after new years eve does not do the school any favours. Everyone is sick and tired and just mope around like the world is going to end. It's not fun, believe me. i think everyone really needs this weekend to sleep off their blues and return to school content and alert.

See, my version of a good world is to have a balance of sad and happy. None of this suicidal sadness or anything but just some light sadness that can be lifted in a day or two. I know it's silly to think like that and a girl shouldn't dream of the impossoble but, hey, it's fun! I'm not a fan of people who are happy all the time (I can sometimes be one of those people, I stay happy for weeks on end but there is always a time when I just fall to the other end of the scale and become very sad - you may think that manic depression but it's just my personality, there is no genetic disorder in me, honest!) or people who are constantly sinking further into their depression. I like to help people solve problems. I'm here with advice whenever needed, however, I am not good in an emotional situation when sympathy is needed to help the other person, I stay well out of those occasions.

I am currently being called Stanly Standina by my fellow Tiger Girls (yeh, that includes Michael!) and am their crash mat for when they do not succeed! Lol. I love lunchtimes at school, they're so carefree and a riot. It so loud in the cloakrooms that you couldn't get more lost in such a small space. Most of the year 11s cram in there - hey, anything's better than the dining hall, right?! Lol, so yeh, my crazy school life is a blast. I'll be sad to see those people go, even if I don't talk to them I alway like the feeling that they're there with me. I am so not waking up early tomorrow. I mean i am normally a morning person, but this time I could just sleep for England, ya know. At the stage of tiredness I am currently in I don't feel like sleeping. English lessons about horses and "Ginger Guides" do not keep a girl active and happy to be alive. So, there's no surpise in telling you that I frequently fall asleep during these ever more interesting and captivating lessons that involve the seering bright light that emerges from several hundred computer monitors and the whirring of OHP. Yes, that is school life today, folks. Sad, this technology takes us further away from a happier time. It seems that nowadays the only thing one seems to care about is the latest Sony Ericsson mobile or how many songs they can squeeze onto their iPod in an effort to outshine the "cool kids". But that is off subjects. back to the ever more boringness of my lesson time. The only lesson where I truly feel stimulated is sociology class. Sometime i like geography but not like today when I get an E on my recent map skills exam. Not good, Elly.

This is turning into a long blog. I shall stop now and let you sleep, giggle, read, watch TV (sad people) or whatever you like to do on a Friday night in this bleak winter weather.

Love and all that shizz.

XX ELLY XX

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Blog 001.

Mon, 01 Jan 2007 20:18:44 +0100

So, here I am. New year, new start. I guess.

New years eve was as good as any. Party, party, party. You know the way.

But enough of the small talk. I have decided to start a blog. Last year was one of the most amazing years of my life. I met so many new people, my confidence grew and I realised that you don't have to be someone you're not just to get people to like you. No one likes a liar. If I can say anything about my self it would be that I'm honest. Honesty isn't always the best policy, and sometimes a little lie can save someone from themselves. But I also realised that no one can change their true personality, someone could be nice, rude, passionate or just "weird" as people like to say, this doesn't mean that they aren't worthy of friends or just acquaintances because they may be "too nice" or "really rude", they're showing their true colours and that's what really counts in my book. They aren't trying to be some smart arsed know-it-all with perfect looks who just what people to acknowledge they are there. A real person talks from the heart, lets you know when he or she is feeling alone. I admit that I'm not always myself, I can pretend to be someone I'm not, but it is never anything major.

So, I'm just a girl. A southern, middle-class, white girl who has the occasional emotional problem, likes to have a laugh and enjoys her life as it is right now. I want to go to college next year, can't wait to leave school. I have a mix of friends - from private school to state school, from coloured skin to pale skin, from upfront to shy. My friends mean the world to me, I love each and every one of them like they are a brother or a sister to me.

Currently listening to Mmmbop by Hanson, makes me smile. Having watched two Hilary Duff films today I am in the mood to be girly. So that may be another reason why I'm starting an online blog sorta thing. Haha.

Next installent will be coming sometime during the next week or so.

All my love.

XX ELLY XX

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